I couldn’t find words

“Where’s your mom?” Seems an easy enough question, right? But tonight at dinner when my 2 1/2 year old asked it I was shocked into silence. I didn’t know what to say.

See, my mom killed herself when I was 11 years old.

When adults ask the same question it’s easy enough to say “she passed away”. Most of them are wise enough to take that answer and leave it at that. But when her young granddaughter asked, I just didn’t have an answer. I couldn’t find the words to explain that life seemed too hard and she gave in to the temporary pain with a permanent solution. I couldn’t find a quick way to tell such a sweet innocent one that one choice made decades ago means that she is short one grandma. I didn’t have an answer for “where is your mom?”

“Dead” isn’t a word she’s learned yet. She’s been to 5 funerals/viewings/memorial services already in her short life, but we haven’t really had to explain what was happening yet. Of those five the worst for me was the one for my cousin who had taken his life. That one was really hard -it was the result of a choice. Three of the others were friends who lost their battle with cancer, and one had simply lived all her years. While each included sorrow, the one for the teenager whose choice brought us together was the hardest for me. She was youngest then, just 2 months old so I was able to tell her all about it and know that she wouldn’t remember, and couldn’t ask questions. Now while she may not remember, she can ask questions. And, she asks lots! So, tonight I was stunned into silence at a simple question.

I know this topic will come up again and that I need to find words. But for tonight I was thankful that 2 year-olds are pretty distractable and we were able to move on to something else.

I’d guess that on that December day long ago when my mom made her decision to take her life she never imagined I’d be sitting at a dinner table over 20 years later struggling over what to say to her granddaughter. Once again, suicide sucks. Please find help if you are struggling. Deciding to take your life may affect generations to come.


Can you help Threads of Compassion be better online?

Our Threads of Compassion OKC website is in need of some help… the hosting service we have just isn’t working for us anymore. Though I don’t understand all the technical stuff, it seems we’re just a bit too big for the $5/month version we’ve just been paying for ourselves. In fact, at the moment the site is “down”. That’s what inspired me to go ahead and seek some help.

Around $25/month will get what we need for Threads, and since that is quite a jump from $5 I thought I’d ask for help.

I figured there is someone or some people out there who would like to be a part of Threads. Maybe you don’t knit or crochet, but you do care about assault victims and giving a bit of money could be your way to be a part of offering some comfort.

Whether you have $5 to give, or $25 for a month, or wanna go ahead and give $300 to cover the year, we’d love your help. You can get it to us by check through the mail, cash if you’re able to meet near OKC, or PayPal if you’d like to donate online.

Thanks for thinking about joining us in offering comfort to survivors of sexual assault!

Library Morning

During June and July there are a variety of programs at our library as part of the Neighborhood Arts program. Today was a concert by the Sugar Free All Stars. As you can see in the first photo Joanna isn’t yet a fan. It definitely had more to do with the volume of the performance than the quality. We had a good time checking out all the other fun stuff for kiddos.

2 skeins = 2 scarves

In March the YWCA OKC hosted a Yarn Party for Threads of Compassion OKC. One of my friends wasn’t able to attend, but she wanted to help so she gave me cash to buy yarn. Joanna and I visited Hobby Lobby to pick up some before the party. I asked Joanna to pick the yarn. Of course she went right to the pink and said “that one – pink is my FAVORITE color!” So, pink it was. I was excited to bring that same yarn home and turn it into a scarf.

IMG_1383[1]The first scarf I made is the ruffly one pictured on the right. It took more than a whole skein, so once it was done I wanted a looser pattern that would hopefully be able to be finished with the remaining yarn. It worked out perfectly!

I’m excited to take these to the Work Day today and have them packaged so that they can be available to comfort a survivor. If you knit or crochet, please consider joining me in this fun project!